When I was in Grade 12 and ready to graduate, I was given some bad news. I was told that because I needed to take two summer classes to complete my requirements, I would not be allowed to graduate with my classmates. I went home and cried at the loss of my graduation experience.
Years have passed since then. I've been married, I've had children and I went to university.
Now, as an adult, I have had another major decision to make. After completing all my requirements for graduation, I was expecting to convocate on June 7th 2012. Life, however, took me another way.
Surprise, I'm pregnant! (It was the hidden inspiration for one of my previous blogs "The Mind is the Womb.") I am due on July 1st. I figured, at first, that I could make it to convocation and take the walk with others from my faculty. However, the last couple months were quite physically tough on me and, so, a few weeks ago I made the decision (not without tears) to willingly cancel my participation in June's convocation ceremony.
This is where I've learned a few things. While at first I had felt that I missed out on not one but two major life events, I've realized that there is something special in these circumstances. What is life teaching me?
To be humble? Do I really need a graduation ceremony to prove my worth, to prove that I "did it"? I know that I've accomplished things. I've earned my degree. But that's not the most important thing in my life.
My children, my husband, the people I love ~ these are the most important things in my life. And especially the new life that is growing within me, waiting to be born.
I ask myself, what do I want to do with my life? I've always known that I want to write and even though things have turned out a bit differently than I imagined, I can still write.
I can write in the stillness of my life,
in the wreckage, in the leftovers, in the beauty, in everything and in every way.
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Monday, 28 November 2011
My voice as a writer....as a person
A couple years ago a professor (English 212) had asked me to read a poem written by a First Nation's person. The only problem is she asked me to read it by saying, in front of the whole class, "...because of your beautiful Indian accent."
A lot of classmates told me how shocked they were. I didn't think I had that much of an "Indian accent."
Just this semester, however, a fellow student in a different class asked me if I was "native." She wondered if I was native because of my accent, apparently, and not because of my appearance.
Not that I feel ashamed, but I do feel shy about it.
I don't have an eloquent speaking voice. Which is why I write. It's the voice I wish I had.
Writing puts me into context. Writing delivers me from the stereotypes I feel that I sometimes receive from my appearance and my voice.
Yes, writing, for me, is deliverance.
It's repentance, its penance, its forgiveness and reconciliation, all mixed up together. Its the destination and the journey, the desire and the fulfillment of desire, the mourning and the celebration.
A lot of classmates told me how shocked they were. I didn't think I had that much of an "Indian accent."
Just this semester, however, a fellow student in a different class asked me if I was "native." She wondered if I was native because of my accent, apparently, and not because of my appearance.
Not that I feel ashamed, but I do feel shy about it.
I don't have an eloquent speaking voice. Which is why I write. It's the voice I wish I had.
Writing puts me into context. Writing delivers me from the stereotypes I feel that I sometimes receive from my appearance and my voice.
Yes, writing, for me, is deliverance.
It's repentance, its penance, its forgiveness and reconciliation, all mixed up together. Its the destination and the journey, the desire and the fulfillment of desire, the mourning and the celebration.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Children's stories
I really appreciated Courtney and Jessie's presentation's last week. Original fairy tale narratives are definitely a lot more intersting than today's toned down versions! Furthermore, I, for one, am also a parent who appreciates that children's writing has a lot of things that only parents would understand.
Lately, I've been reading Milne's "The House at Pooh Corner" to my daughters....a chapter each night. They are 4 and 6 and they actually enjoy it. I had thought they might be disinterested in the book because it has very minimal pictures, which are black and white at that.
But I found that the story itself is very interesting to them. And I think it is more valuable to read them Milne's original story rather than some of the more disnified versions we see today. I'm going to find some more "originals" to read them. On my list is E B White's "Charlotte's Web," and perhaps some Rudyard Kipling, etc, etc. Then I"ll move on to some more recent authors!
Lately, I've been reading Milne's "The House at Pooh Corner" to my daughters....a chapter each night. They are 4 and 6 and they actually enjoy it. I had thought they might be disinterested in the book because it has very minimal pictures, which are black and white at that.
But I found that the story itself is very interesting to them. And I think it is more valuable to read them Milne's original story rather than some of the more disnified versions we see today. I'm going to find some more "originals" to read them. On my list is E B White's "Charlotte's Web," and perhaps some Rudyard Kipling, etc, etc. Then I"ll move on to some more recent authors!
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
The Mind is the Womb
Just now I have the urge to write this. If the mind is the womb for our words, then we have no choice but to wait for our words to mature. By this I mean, we all have a writer inside of us, developing and growing. What are we doing, in the meantime, to nurture that development?
I have to admit, I am sometimes scared of the words I give birth to. Is what I write really okay? My portfolio story kind of just fell out of me. those are the exact words that came to mind when I finished typing the last page. I thought, wow, that just fell out of me! I think it was a story that was developing for a long time, and I was just finally able to write it. But now, I am unsure about it. I know its not a mutant baby, or anything like that, but I'm scared of what came out of me, if that makes any sense at all!
Lord help me!
I have to admit, I am sometimes scared of the words I give birth to. Is what I write really okay? My portfolio story kind of just fell out of me. those are the exact words that came to mind when I finished typing the last page. I thought, wow, that just fell out of me! I think it was a story that was developing for a long time, and I was just finally able to write it. But now, I am unsure about it. I know its not a mutant baby, or anything like that, but I'm scared of what came out of me, if that makes any sense at all!
Lord help me!
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Writing as Art, Literally!
This is something I always found amazing. Right now, I am taking Japanese 101 and have discovered something very cool.
The Japanese verb for "to write" (i.e to write a letter) is the same verb that they use to indicate that an artist is "painting or drawing" art. There is no difference. I absolutely love that.
For me, it indicates how the Japanese culture equates writing with drawing, how writing is actually the act of an artist. This is something that can be plainly seen when you look at their writing system--hiragana, katana, kanji--they are all written with particular stroke orders, stops and hooks and, in my opinion, are very beautiful. When I am writing in hiragana, katakana and especially in kanji, I do get the sense that writing, for the Japanese, is, quite literally, art!!
The Japanese verb for "to write" (i.e to write a letter) is the same verb that they use to indicate that an artist is "painting or drawing" art. There is no difference. I absolutely love that.
For me, it indicates how the Japanese culture equates writing with drawing, how writing is actually the act of an artist. This is something that can be plainly seen when you look at their writing system--hiragana, katana, kanji--they are all written with particular stroke orders, stops and hooks and, in my opinion, are very beautiful. When I am writing in hiragana, katakana and especially in kanji, I do get the sense that writing, for the Japanese, is, quite literally, art!!
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
The Epistolary Novel!
After researching for this weeks presentation, I found what is considered the first Epistolary Novel: "Pamela" by Samuel Richardson.
This novel was immensely popular when it was published in 1741, and even led to a "Pamela" craze!The novel is written in the form of letters, written from Pamela to her parents--long and sometimes dull letters, if it weren't for all the drama contained in them.
Pamela is a fifteen year old servant girl who is very beautiful and virtuous. In fact, she manages to maintain her virtue (hint: virginity) throughout an ordeal that includes the unwanted sexual advances of her master Mr. B. In fact this man goes so far as to spy on her, read her letters, fondle her, attempt to force himself on her, kidnap her, speak roughly to her, etc, etc, etc--which, by the way, we learn from her own hand, as she is the one writing these details in long letters to her poor frightened parents.
Finally, she marries him. How did that happen? I thought charges and an arrest might be in order after the way Mr. B acted. Sigh, I guess its only 1741, after all. And in Pamela's own words, she was but a "poor weak girl" who also happens to be a "dutiful daughter" and a virtuous girl!
Thankfully, we have Eliza Haywood, who wrote the satirical response to Richardson's story of virtue--"Anti-Pamela; or, Feigned Innocence Detected," which chronicles the lives of a mother/daughter con artist team who make attempts to trick men into marrying the beautiful daughter, Syrena Tricksy, so that they might be able to secure a wealthy financial future for themselves.
This leads me to think, however, what a true epistolary form would like in the 21st century--a series of texts, tweets, emails and sticky note letters? Hardly anyone writes letters to one another nowadays. At least not in the form that Pamela wrote them.
That brings me to "The Best of Betty" which is a contemporary take on the epistolary novel, obviously a shorter version, in the form of letters to an advice columnist who has her own style of giving advice (maybe Anti-Dear Abby)?
Until tomorrow,
Jaa Mata!!
~Night~
This novel was immensely popular when it was published in 1741, and even led to a "Pamela" craze!The novel is written in the form of letters, written from Pamela to her parents--long and sometimes dull letters, if it weren't for all the drama contained in them.
Pamela is a fifteen year old servant girl who is very beautiful and virtuous. In fact, she manages to maintain her virtue (hint: virginity) throughout an ordeal that includes the unwanted sexual advances of her master Mr. B. In fact this man goes so far as to spy on her, read her letters, fondle her, attempt to force himself on her, kidnap her, speak roughly to her, etc, etc, etc--which, by the way, we learn from her own hand, as she is the one writing these details in long letters to her poor frightened parents.
Finally, she marries him. How did that happen? I thought charges and an arrest might be in order after the way Mr. B acted. Sigh, I guess its only 1741, after all. And in Pamela's own words, she was but a "poor weak girl" who also happens to be a "dutiful daughter" and a virtuous girl!
Thankfully, we have Eliza Haywood, who wrote the satirical response to Richardson's story of virtue--"Anti-Pamela; or, Feigned Innocence Detected," which chronicles the lives of a mother/daughter con artist team who make attempts to trick men into marrying the beautiful daughter, Syrena Tricksy, so that they might be able to secure a wealthy financial future for themselves.
This leads me to think, however, what a true epistolary form would like in the 21st century--a series of texts, tweets, emails and sticky note letters? Hardly anyone writes letters to one another nowadays. At least not in the form that Pamela wrote them.
That brings me to "The Best of Betty" which is a contemporary take on the epistolary novel, obviously a shorter version, in the form of letters to an advice columnist who has her own style of giving advice (maybe Anti-Dear Abby)?
Until tomorrow,
Jaa Mata!!
~Night~
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Writing publicly
Writing publicly...what does it mean, really? As an Aboriginal person I want to focus the majority of my writing on Aboriginal issues. This is an area that is very important to me. And by Aboriginal issues I don't mean to limit myself to only the larger issues but I want to bring attention to the seemingly smaller things. One of these things is the division between traditional First Nation's people and those First Nation's people who choose to follow the Christian faith. For Aboriginal people, due to experiences with the residential school system, there are strong connotations of hatred associated with Christianity. Christianity was responsibile for the systematic rape, murder, abuse and assimilation of our people, our culture and our children. So why on earth would any First Nation's person convert to Christianity? Yet, it has happened and, now, Aboriginal Christians are often regarded as traitors to their own culture and people. Now, to be sure, there is some understanding--but often, there remains strong tension between a traditional First Nation's person and an Aboriginal Christian.
This is a very difficult topic. How do I write it? How do I write it for a public audience? How would the public receive it? And, more importantly, how do I write it truthfully and objectively, while respecting both sides?
This is a very difficult topic. How do I write it? How do I write it for a public audience? How would the public receive it? And, more importantly, how do I write it truthfully and objectively, while respecting both sides?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)